Dolce - Part Twelve: Two Rings

[churbooseanon]

So we end it. I might revisit later for another few scenes on the sides, but this is how we come to our end. We hope you enjoyed it.

 

Dolce - Part Twelve: Two Rings

Felix waited for the sound of the bedroom door closing before he finally made a move to deal with his needs. Which meant starting by poking into the drawers of the dressers. They were a beautiful thing, stained cherry red on the outside, and the drawers themselves smelled like cedar and some kind of herb. If he closed his eyes and really focused he though the scent was like the one that mixed with the ocean breeze and made a distinct ‘Locus’ smell. Maybe thyme? Sage? God he didn’t know herbs very well.

That sort of sentimentality wasn’t what he was here for, though. As much as he just wanted to stick his face into the dresser and breathe in deeply, he pulled back and started to paw through the clothes. How sad was it that even the extremely casual t-shirt and sweatpants he ultimately hauled out were higher quality clothes than Felix ever expected to own himself. Asshole even had better stupid t-shirts, how was that possible?

With a sigh he took the clothes and moved into the bathroom, refusing to let himself be awed. The marble of the area around the sink was nice.. The almost stained-glass appearance of the shower door was magnificent. And Felix just slowly stripped out of his clothes, refused to allow himself to believe in it. Refused to let himself be comfortable here. So, stripped down he turned his attention to the mirror. He looked like a mess, his lip still busted, a few forming bruises. Fine. He could do this…

After his shower Felix searched until he found a first aid kit under the vanity, and he carefully cleaned his wounds with alcohol swabs. He was even pleased to find a tube of liquid bandage, which he used to close the lip as best he could. That done he sighed and stared at his reflection. He looked like hell, and in the end, he couldn’t help but let his eyes fall down. He should have put his shirt on first, to hide the glint of metal at his neck. With a sigh his hand came up to touch the simple chain from which hung the ring.

How many times had he considered selling the thing? It had just been another part of the  lie he had played out with Locus. He’d actually gotten to the door of a pawnshop once. The first few weeks post Locus he hadn’t had too many jobs, and the thought that he could just sell one thing and make things easier for a month…

In the end he hadn’t been able to part himself with the bauble. Even now as he considered taking the thing off to better hide it from Locus, he found himself instead reaching for the t-shirt and pulling it on to hide the metal from his own vision.

How was it even possible that what they’d shared on that island, the perfection of the night before 'their’ guests had arrived still haunted him. No, haunted wasn’t the right word. Taunted him. He longed for the lies they had lived to be real. Instead here he was, still lying to himself. Kept saying he could do this for himself and forget Locus. That he didn’t want it.

With a sigh he stared at himself for another moment in the mirror before he heard movement outside and he flinched. For a split second he panicked, terrified that Tommy had found him.

But no, that wasn’t possible. He was safe here.

“Felix?” Locus’s voice called from the other side of the bathroom door, and a soft rapping accompanied it. “I bought some food if you want… And if you’re changed I can take care of your clothes.”

And there was the man he was trying not to think about. Just his luck. Ring out of sight and out of mind Felix started to tidy up his things into a mound even as Locus kept talking. It wasn’t like the other man to try and fill silences. Strange.

“I hope you don’t mind pizza. I went with a basic cheese and pepperoni. It occurred to me when I went out that I really didn’t know anything about what you like.”

Felix steeled himself the best he could and opened the door of the bathroom, dirty clothes tucked under his arm. “I’m not picky, so basic is fine with me. Thanks.”

Silently he followed Locus out of the bedroom and down into the expansive kitchen. His clothes he left by a closed door as Locus directed and then they both settled down at the small kitchen table that clearly wasn’t worthy of the majesty of this massive room. Of course he understood why. This was a mansion, and sometimes this kitchen would be expected to provide for dozens of people, so it needed to be large. Which made the small, simple table tucked into the corner a cozy island in a sea of brushed steel. The whole place was awe inspiring but he just tried to focus on the things that were simpler. Like the soft, golden grain of the table and the absolutely perfect and overwhelmingly wonderful scent of the pizza escaping the box beside him.

“So… are you planning on staying here?” he asked, trying to keep it conversational. “Wouldn’t Lily wonder where you are? Do you live together?”

It’s strange to think about how easy it is to slip into talking with Locus again, like they were right how they were meant to be.

“I will be staying here for the night,” Locus confirmed as he served them both slices of pizza. “Lily is out of town for a few days, but I don’t want to risk you in the apartment anyway. I gave her a key for that and she had been known to drop by uninvited. Usually with rose petals and candles and romantic music. If she tries that this time she’ll call when she doesn’t find me. I’ll just tell her I’m working late, which happens enough. She can’t get into the office after hours anyway, and I have made it a habit to not her up in those cases.”

Sounded like Locus was dealing with her well enough, despite their earlier conversation. Flowers and music, huh. Felix wondered if Locus would take that same stuff better from him instead of Lily. Doubted it. Their only time together, other than that island blowjob, had been hasty and almost frantic in its energy. So clearly there wasn’t really an attempted romance level there.

Except… There were lots of moments on the island where… The stars. The dinner. The way they touched…

Felix didn’t shake his head, didn’t want to draw attention to how out of sorts he was. Instead he just let Locus continue on.

“Relationships on our level of society aren’t… traditionally formatted I suppose,” Locus shrugged. “There will not be a 'moving in’ phase that people use as a trail period I suppose. We won’t be together until we’re married. The relationship is something I can draw out. The last bit of funds her mother provided for my work will continue a bit longer. The courting won’t have to escalate in earnest until I require more from her.”

Felix hummed, buying himself time to think of his response as he took a large bite from his pizza. Truth be told with what Locus was saying, he wouldn’t want to be in Lily’s position. Granted, he didn’t want Lily in Lily’s position, but that was jealousy speaking. In the end she was going to get the man he loved and he’d get men like Tommy after him. It was bullshit.

“That…” he paused to swallow and figure out the right wording. “It’s like playing a game, you and her.”

A game not much different from Felix’s jobs, but Locus was clearly playing for keeps. And even now, even months later, that still made him bitter.

“This can be your scandal if you need one,” Felix teased at last before putting on his best shitty reporter voice. “Multi-billionaire playboy cheats on bitch of a girlfriend with ex-husband call-boy. More at 11.”

He laughed, because he needed the outlet more than any real mirth, and had to wince at how it pulled at his lip. The cut was still there, but thanks to the tending earlier he hadn’t quite torn it open again. At least his hands had stopped throbbing in pain.

What made it worth it, though, was the little smirk it brought to Locus’s lips. “Nothing that would be considered an affair has occurred, so it isn’t cheating. And I do not draw press as often as you’d think, so I’m certain scandal would not be a publicized issue. The only concern would be if Doyle speaks out of turn, and he won’t, or if she calls and hears you in the background, which again will not occur.”

Felix watched as Locus’s fingers twitched, even as the other man’s eyes seemed to settle on Felix’s lips. Dammit he liked the look of that.

“You should stop laughing,” Locus sighed. Sure, he still looked faintly amused, but there also seemed to be something more there, something Felix didn’t know how to read. “And smiling. Maybe talking. It’s only going ot make the split worse. Consider becoming mute. Lord knows I wouldn’t mind the quiet.”

The reminder made Felix lick over the cut, and he was almost pleased that he came up a bit of pizza sauce. Wherever Locus had gotten their dinner from was pretty top notch. “Have you ever known me to shut up? But, fine, I’ll be quiet. You know… if you want alone time I can take my pizza and explore. I guess it’s the least I can do since you helped me, favor or not.”

Despite the offer he stands, taking his empty plate, and he carried it over to the nearest of the several sinks. He took the moment to wash his hands, his mouth. Then, sure that he could relax with the distance between them, he continued.

“Still, it would be a story to tell. If you were caught or something. Not that you will be, but… Wait, there I go, talking again. I’ll just shut up.”

Of course he won’t do that at all. It’s too much fun to push Locus’s buttons and he liked it, a lot.

“There is nothing to be caught in,” Locus repeated, and Felix chuckled. The whole thing they’d been involved in was nothing more than that. Nothing. Even this was nothing. Just a favor being repaid. Why did that hurt so much?

“The same rules apply here as did in the summer home. If a door is locked, leave it be. Otherwise, you are welcome to explore wherever you want. I would suggest leaving the next door down the hall from you alone, though. That is where I will be staying and I intend to work late.”

With that Locus too pushed away from the table, and Felix just washed him stand and move to put the pizza away in a massive fridge. It was nice to see him move. Nice to know that if somehow he cracked and needed to reach out, to touch, there was the thing he wanted. So close and yet so far away.

“The laundry room,” Locus said suddenly as he closed the fridge, “is off of that door beside the fridge, where we left your clothes. Go down the narrow haul and use the second door on the left. I’m sure you know how to operate the machines.”

Those eyes were so weighty on him as Locus spoke that Felix found himself nodding and turning away. Part of him hated how much he liked being under that gaze again. Somehow those eyes, that attention made the ring on the chain sit so much heavier against his chest, but he fought to ignore it.

“Sounds good,” Felix answered. “I’ll leave you alone then since you have work to do.”

He wanted to press further, to be a little cruel. More than anything he wanted to find one of the meanest buttons and press it so hard that Locus doubled over in pain. But he doubted that would work out well.

And yet he still moved to the door, turned, and sent Locus a small smile. A small enough smile to not irritate his cut. It was too easy to pitch his tone into the soft, affectionate, and lying tone he used in the role of Locus’s love interest. “Don’t work yourself too hard, dear. You’ll burn yourself out. You know how much I hate that.”

* * * * * *

That voice, that tone, made Locus want to shout in fury. All this time he’d just been watching Felix, doing his best to resist the urge to pull the other man into his arms and kiss him again. Not just for the intimate contact, something he had more or less lacked since the time at his summer home, but to let himself sink back into the lie where they were together and happy with it. A story he had told himself so well that he’d believed it. Come to live it. A story that was a lie to everyone but him.

But with those words he wanted, needed to step forward. All of him wanted to slam Felix into a wall and kiss him with every bit of desire he still felt overwhelming him. Because as much as he hated the tone, hated the voice, he loved the words. The way they reached out to the strings of pain in his chest and played them like a violin. Instead he frowned at Felix and wondered what the appropriate reaction to person who you had paid to fake a relationship with you would be in this situation.

Instead he thrust his hands into his pockets and tried not to say something stupid. Of course doing that was its own trap. The fingers of his left hand brushed the cool metal ring in his pocket.

He hadn’t been able to rid himself of it. The worst part was that even looking at it only reminded him of how deeply he had come to care for this relative stranger. This stranger that he had trusted with his home when he hadn’t trusted anyone else with it. God what was he coming to?

“I missed you.”

The words leapt from his lips before he realized it was happening, and there was nothing he could do to call them back. In fact the only thing left to him was to watch as Felix’s smile faltered, melted away, and the other man just stared at him.

“I, um… yeah,” Felix answered slowly, his voice losing the business tone and he just sounded… pensive? Sad? Resigned? “I… really missed you to, Locus.”

His voice was soft, distant, quiet.

But really, what Locus’s attention was on was the gesture Felix made. His hand came up to touch his chest, almost stroking through his shirt.

The connection was there for Locus almost instantly. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe it was the fact that Locus’s hand was in his own pocket, toying with his ring. Well, probably the wishful thinking in truth, and it got him moving quickly. Got him across the room, pinning Felix against a wall like he’d wanted to. And his right hand came up to press against where Felix was touching, the light pressure revealing a loop of metal.

Meanwhile, in his pocket, Locus carefully and quickly fumbled with his thumb and pinkie finger to slide his ring into place on his hand. That done said hand came up to cup Felix’s face. While he wanted his hand to mold to Felix’s face, he wasn’t sure he wanted Felix to know his own ring was there just yet. So he had to have Felix’s attention elsewhere, which was on him he hoped as he leaned forward to kiss the other man’s forehead. Only his forehead, because more was too far too soon.

“Maybe… there is a scandal waiting to happen here.”

He could feel Felix’s heart pounding under his hand, feel his breathing slow as Locus held the other man close. Felix’s body was so hot, radiating warmth that Locus wanted to drink up, and Locus had to fight not to lean in and smell Felix. He could already pick up a bit of scent on him without trying. Pizza. Cedar and rosemary from the dresser. And the fresh ocean breeze scent that Locus insisted come with all his toiletries. To smell all of that mixed with Felix’s own smell, one he couldn’t explain, was perfect.

“Alert the press then,” Felix answered quietly, and Locus was almost frustrated at the way the other man didn’t look up at him. “Actually… don’t. Won’t be good for your image.”

It’s a deflection, and Locus knew they both knew it. There was no denying that he could feel the ring under his right hand, that it was exciting him to no end. The potential of it’s presence was too much. An admission neither of them had ever offered, and seemed that it might be there as well. Probably forced his own awareness of the ring home to Felix with how his thumb was rubbing over the hidden metal through the t-shirt Felix was wearing.

Neither of them spoke for a while, until Locus found Felix’s hand twisting to rest on his chest. For a moment he thought he would be pushed away, and instead he found Felix’s thumb echoing the motion of his own, stroking Locus’s skin through his own shirt.

“You could have sold it,” Locus observed, his voice just barely above a whisper. “It would have been some additional capital, considering how little of what I meant to pay you over the years apparently ever made it into your pocket.”

Truth be told Locus could have sold his own, instead of carrying it everywhere with him. Instead he had put it back on and held Felix with it, yet to prove it’s presence with a touch. But soon. The right moment..

“It’s not like it ever meant anything other than the burden of the charade.”

The comment earned him a small, huffing laugh and eyes still cast down and away from him. God what he’d give to have Felix look up and let him see if he couldn’t find a truth he liked in those eyes.

“Are you kidding me? It was my trophy for the best fucking act I ever pulled off,” Felix answered, voice also soft but… miserable? God was this just making Felix miserable? He could let the other man go and…

Those eyes finally rose to look at him. No, not just look. Meet his gaze intently. “That… and it was a gift from you, so…”

Felix shrugged, and Locus would have taken it as a dismissal, an indication that Felix didn’t want to talk to him, or be near him, but then there was that soft hand curling in the material of Locus’s shirt, demanding he didn’t leave. Even pulled him closer.

“You never struck me as the kind of person to put such stock in gifts,” Locus admitted, finally lowering his hand from Felix’s cheek. Instead his right hand moved to wrap around Felix’s waist as his left pressed against the ring. The metal of his own ring pressed against Felix’s through the thing material of the shirt. He stared briefly at the glint of metal on his own hand, where it belonged.

“I never thought I was very sentimental either. I suppose I cannot begrudge you that. I guess… you did say we deserved awards for how well we performed. You were masterful… I almost believed it was real.”

“I had a good partner for the act, so…” Felix answered. “I… almost believed it too. It was a nice fantasy, huh? My specialty.”

Hearing that hurt. A fantasy. Was the ring really just a trophy? No, it had to be more. Locus needed it to be more.

When Felix continued his voice was light and playful, but edging into serious. “We can… reenact some scenes, if you want.”

Was that Felix offering to let Locus be an under the table client? An offer of sex? That was far from what Locus wanted.

“I’d rather make new ones,” Locus offered, hoping the question, the offer really came through in his tone and in the press of his hand against Felix’s chest. “More lasting scenes. Maybe the ones we only paid lip service to in the past.”

How was it possible that his lips and tongue and heart were running so far ahead of his mind? This was a mistake, always a mistake. He had promised himself that he’d cut  himself off from this. From the man as much as from the emotions. They were hardly conducive to the cold, calculating plan he had arranged his life along.

Of course… he’d never thought he could aim for happiness in the past. Now, though…?

“I’d like to explore our first date. First kiss. The first time I promise you the world…”

All of this was going to get him into trouble, and all at once, he didn’t care. The risk was more than worth the reward. Even rejection was worth it. Because in this moment he was being honest with himself. An honesty he hadn’t thought possible before finding Felix still carried his ring.

As he spoke he had the chance to watch Felix’s eyes go wider with each other, feel his heart start racing like the world was ending.

Depending on Felix’s answer, it could well be.

* * * * * *

It was almost like his heart was stopping. Felix tried to scramble for an answer, but damn it if Locus was the only person that always seemed to leave him speechless. The hand on his chest pressed the ring into his skin more, burning and chilling him and making his whole body long for more. The question, he supposed, was why he kept this thing anyway?

The answer was, of course, simple. It was one he had come to understand when he had left the island. One he still hated to admit to. Truth be told, the things Locus was offering to him he wanted so badly, but hadn’t he promised himself that he’d stop? He was doing so well these past months, only thinking about Locus at night when he got too lonely. That was all he had allowed himself beyond the ring.

Yet he knew what he had been tempting when he’d called in the favor. Sure, Locus was honestly the only person he could think of who could help, but he wasn’t stupid either. There had been a part of him, one that whispered in his head every night, that had hoped something like this would happen. Now that it was here in front of him, though, he found himself almost cowering.

He spared another moment of looking at Locus before he just gave up, gave in, and threw himself headfirst into everything he had wanted and feared.

His grip in Locus’s shirt tightened and he pulled, tilting his head so he could press his lips to Locus’s in a proper kiss, more than a touch desperate.

* * * * * *

There were so many things Locus wanted from the second Felix’s lips were pressed against his. He wanted to call Lily and tell her to go jump off a bridge. Wanted to tell Doyle he was right and that if he gloated for even a second Locus would have his job and maybe his head. Wanted to tear the ring from Felix’s neck and try to give it to him properly, like he’d wanted for a long time now. And pressing up the fastest in his mind, clawing at him most desperately was an urge to spread Felix out below him on the floor and have him then and there, spread and pleading below him. Felix had tasted and felt so good below him the last time, but no… this time he had to do it properly. Had to give more than he dared to take.

None of that was what he did, of course. What happened was that he met the desperation he was given with his own, and there was more than just a bit of that. There was enough desperation that his hands were on the movie, his right pressing into the small of Felix’s back to press them more firmly together, the left tightening in the shirt Felix wore, over the ring. He wanted to clutch that token, that memento, anchor himself to the simple possession that Felix hadn’t gotten rid of. The contract through cloth wasn’t quite enough to make it real, but it was so close. And so satisfying.

At last Locus pulled back, his lips feeling swollen despite how brief the contact had been. He’d met Felix’s kiss so hard that maybe it had been stupid, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. This was one of the rare moments where he couldn’t find it in himself to care about restraint. Like the last time he had been with Felix in their desperation. He licked his lips as he stared at Felix, enjoyed the flush to his face and the redness of his lips. Looking at Felix like this was just… another temptation and wonder. There had been so much intensity in their contact that Locus doubted either of them were lying to themselves anymore.

Still, he had to be certain.

He had to know if this could work.

“I’m not one of your under the table clients, Felix,” he whispered. “This has never been that frivolous to me.”

* * * * * *

Felix watched that tongue move and he wanted to catch it, to suck it into his mouth. Locus’s hands felt so right on him, and he wanted to feel them everywhere. His arms, his shoulders, his back. Sliding over his legs and parting them as the lips explored his body and claimed him. Really claimed him. Left marks everywhere that would go over poorly at work, and Felix didn’t care. He wanted bites and bruises and scratches, little marks he could see in the mirror and know he was owned by a man he had accidentally come ot love.

His own hands found themselves on Locus’s shoulders, rubbing at them, working their way up the back of Locus’s neck. There was a low, almost purring sound from Locus, and god Felix wanted to spend weeks trying to find all the ways to draw that sound from Locus. And to find other sounds. A hundred thousand other expressive sounds of hunger and desire.

“You’re not,” he answered immediately, his voice weak to the point where he had to clear his throat before he continued. “You’re not a client or anything. You’re…”

He wasn’t sure to be honest. He didn’t know what to say. Well, he did. He wanted to say that Locus was his, not Lily’s, never Lily’s. Never again would Locus belong to anyone but him.

Instead he just kissed Locus again before he could say any of that and look like a fool. He kissed Locus hungrily, licked the seam of his lips, nipped lightly at his lower lip. Both of his hands slid forward to cup Locus’s face and hold it still for himself even as his body pressed forward to fit against Locus’s.

And god did his body fit. Fit like a dream he’d had a hundred times before. Fit like he’d been made to curl against Locus, to share a passion and more with him. Fit like he never should have left Locus’s bed the first time, and yet they had both let go so many times. Kept acting like they hadn’t known from the moment they kissed in the kitchen in Locus’s apartment that this wasn’t right.

As Felix deepened the kiss he found Locus leaning down, pressing forward as if to cover him, and wouldn’t that be lovely? At the same time Locus’s hand loosened in his shirt and Felix hated that until those fingers instead found their way into his hair, to tangle and grip and guide.

It was so good to taste Locus after so long, and weird how much he had missed it. Weirder was the way he couldn’t hold back the desperate sound from far back in his throat, his hands sliding back down Locus’s chest and gripping his shirt to pull him closer. No. Fuck the shirt as a way to keep Locus close. Instead his fingers quickly started to under the buttons of Locus’s shirt. If he could, he’d have the other man here and now.

Locus was even so obliging as to roll his shoulders and help Felix slide the shirt off until he was bare chested again before Felix. That body, god that beautiful body.

“I really want you right now,” Felix admitted as he broke the kiss and looked appreciatively over the man before him.

Would it break whatever was holding them here, holding them together, if he asked for that? Felix licked his licks and looked up at Locus, trying to look more confident than he felt, his heart racing.

* * * * * *

“No,” Locus answered, stilling Felix. God he wanted to just say yes, just go through everything that was racing through his mind one step at a time. But they couldn’t do this without talking first. “I’m… I’m not doing this again, Felix. I’m not fucking you and walking away. I can’t do that anymore. Not after what we’ve shared. What I want to share with you.”

His eyes moved to Felix’s chest, where he knew the ring had to be. “I can’t do meaningless with you. Never with you. Not again.”

Felix smiled in response, laughed as well in a mocking way, and he nodded. “Yeah. Meaningless. That’s what it’s always been.”

Locus could feel Felix’s body tensing in his hands, ready to move away, and his grip only tightened. “Why DO we do this? Why do you kiss me and why do I let you and why do you let me? Why do we always get here then back out?”

Each question was louder, harsher, angrier, and Locus could do nothing but stare as Felix piled on question after question faster than he could latch on to any on and answer.

“Why the fuck did I even call you? I should have just sucked it up and went back to my place.”

No. Locus was not letting them get here, get so close and lose it all. Clearly what they had here was a communication problem. Probably one that had been there as long as they had known each other. And he wasn’t losing this, everything they were and could be, to a problem of talking to each other.

“Idiot,” Locus shook his head. “It’s never been meaningless when it came to you. Every last moment I’ve had at your side has meant something to me. I kiss you because I want to feel your lips against mine. I don’t know why you let me, but I let you because I want it. I need it. More than anything, I want to share this with you. I want to… I want to give you all of this.”

All he could do was gesture weakly around them, as if to take the whole of the mansion, the whole of his life in with a single gesture.

“I’m… I’m saying that I can’t do this if all you want form me is to fuck and run. That isn’t what this is to me.”

Once again he leaned in, pulled Felix close, and seized his lips. This time the kiss was slow and tender, and just like how he’d kissed Felix when he’d been pretending they were something to each other that had seemed so far out of reach.

Kissed Felix like they could be everything to each other.

And of course Felix had to ruin it by pushing Locus back. “I… wanna cash in my second favor,” Felix said quietly and Locus looked away.

He wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

* * * * * *

Which, of course, wasn’t what it was. For Felix it was… If they were going to do this, if he was going to accept this, then he didn’t want anything else holding them together. Because truth be told he was sick of this, sick of pretending it was all okay and that they could be something that they weren’t. That weekend was supposed to be the last time they met, their final contact. Those favors, though, he had kept as a chance of meeting Locus again. A taunt, a tease, a desire he wanted to give in to and couldn’t risk. If he ended that connection, he could allow for something more. Or just have it done.

“What is it?” Locus asked, his voice low and worried. Felix hated it like that. Locus was too confident of a man to sound like this.

Felix inhaled to steel himself, before he finally opened his mouth. “After this, we have no reason to see each other and I have no intentions of being… Being around if you and Lily are together. But I really…”

Locus looked away, and Felix just kept on.

“I can’t stop. I can’t fucking stop,” Felix insisted, his voice getting higher and he didn’t know why. So he just channeled his anger, looking up at Locus, but really, he’s not angry at him. He’s angry at himself. Angry for being weak and breaking his own rules. “I hate that I want you all the time. I hate that when we were apart all I thought about was 'what is Locus doing?’ 'what would he think about this?’ 'I should tell him about this dick I had to entertain’ and all that other bullshit! I mean…. we were together, once, and then somewhere along the line I…”

Felix cut himself off abruptly and looked away. For along moment he just breathed, just let himself calm down. It was shocking to find that Locus didn’t immediately try to fill the void his silence had left. Yet silence there was, and when he felt calm he reached down and pulled the chain and ring out and let it hang in the open air between them.

“We… talked a lot about our fake honeymoon,” Felix continued at last, voice low. “And the wedding. It sounded really good, right? You said I sold it so well you almost believed it, and fuck, I almost did too. I want… I want to know what that night would have been like, for real. You can say no, Locus, and that will just be that. Both of my favors gone and done for, and then I go back home when it’s safe. I’ll leave you alone.”

Just like that. All of everything hanging in the air between them.

It wasn’t left there long. Before Felix could even catch his breath there was a hand cupping his cheek, warm metal and warmer fingers pressing against his skin and making him almost sigh happily at the contact. Damn he was desperate for so much as a kiss from this other man. What was wrong with him. And then the hand was gone, falling instead to cup his ring in Locus’s palm. Silver glints next to silver and it looks so right there. Would look better if they were both wearing them, but Felix just kept still, held his breath as Locus rubbed his thumb against the metal of Felix’s ring.

“And if I don’t want a night like that?” Locus asked quietly, and Felix could feel his heart sinking. Was this really it? They could be on the cusp of something great and then…

“What if I want to earn that night in earnest? What if I want all the days leading up to it? What if I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other?” Locus continued, each question making Felix’s heart pound faster.

And then Locus dropped the ring back to his chest, pulling away.

“I don’t hate that I want you all the time. I don’t hate that I think you at night when I’m alone in the office. Think about you whenever I’m alone. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should go and leave me alone. But that is so desperately far from what I want. I want… I want you. I want to give you everything. I want to earn every last bit of you.”

When Felix laughed it didn’t come out nearly as giddy as he felt. “You’re so fucking dumb, Locus. Why the fuck did I have to go and get myself invested in you of all people? You don’t need to earn me, you idiot. I’m standing right fucking here, aren’t I? What do… do you want to do this old fashioned? Because we’re anything but that if you hadn’t noticed.”

Felix shook his head and looked up at Locus again, meeting and holding his gaze. “I had all these rules and they were there for a reason. So I didn’t have… so this sort of thing didn’t happen. But it has and now what do I do? Especially now? What do we do? You’re in this thing with Lily, I can’t exactly come back into your life so what are we supposed to do? It might be so much easier to walk away from you, but I don’t want to. I want you to want me like I want you.”

* * * * * *

Well that was a request that Locus was pretty sure that he could at least fulfill. Especially since he wanted Felix more than he’d wanted anything ever. So truly, his answer was a pretty obvious one, wasn’t it?

“Fuck Lily,” he declared. “Lily is a tool. Has only ever been a tool for me. I never expected to find anything more fulfilling than someone to use who was willing to have me. So I didn’t bother looking. Lily frankly isn’t important in this discussion, Felix. I’d rather have you in my life than her in my funds.”

Still, this was no longer a conversation that he could have standing. With a sigh Locus pulled away from the other man and made his way back to the kitchen table. The distance felt so great, and he found himself so weary as he sat back down and looked to Felix. “I want you back in my life. I’ve never been happier than I was in that single weekend with you. It was bittersweet, yes, buit still so good. Better than good really. Amazing. Everything I told you I felt I really felt. So I’m pretty sure I want you like you want me, and I’m not entirely sure how that’s a problem.”

For a moment he let himself believe that Felix would move after him, chase after him and sit back at the table. Instead he watched as Felix shifted to lean against the door and cast his eyes to the floor. Again silence seemed to rule them for a time. It was like neither of them knew what to say, how to express it all. Which made sense. It felt quite clear that there was a chance they’d both been avoiding the conversation for a long time.

“My favorite part of the story was how we met,” Felix said at length. “My 'mother’ introducing us at some social gathering and I had no idea what was going on but you were patient and kind enough to indulge me. To guide me. Apparently I was smitten with you since then. Which is totally the opposite of what has happened, but… There’s always been something cute about it, even though knowing you know, I’m certain you would have never done that for anyone.”

True enough, but Locus wasn’t going to speak up when Felix was opening up.

“What if we took this one step at a time? See what happens I guess. You don’t have to tell Lily anything. I continue working so no one catches on and we just… see what happens.”

When Felix didn’t continue Locus realized it was a very legitimate offer. Interesting. But he needed more time to figure out a response, needed to think, and the best way to buy that time was to just talk. Something he had never been great at off the cuff.

“I like how we actually met far better. You were stunning that night. I prefer that what we are built up slowly, without me noticing. I like that I’m… in love with you.”

There. The words were out there and this time he had no desire to call them back. So he just smiled fondly at Felix, hoping that would help the words sink in as he put his own offer on the table.

“Let me take you to dinner. The first night you’re not working. It’s something we’ve never tried before, and something I would like.” The potential answer had him anxious enough that when Locus looked down at his hands he found that at some point he had started twisting the ring on his own finger.

“I’m in love with you Felix,” he repeated, firmer, trying to add the strength of said emotion to his voice. “Nothing in my life can ever compare to kissing you under the stars.  Or cooking for you. Or the way your legs shake when you reach your orgasm. I could… I can and want to live in moments like those. To live for those things and more.”

When he looked up he found Felix staring at him, staring at the ring on his hand, and the smile he wore was perfectly sculpted beauty.

“I’m in love with you too,” Felix answered, and Locus felt his heart skip a beat. “I’m really in love with you too. I don’t know how you do this to me, you asshole. I fought it. I swear I fought it so hard but fuck you for getting under my skin and just… Fuck you. Okay. Dinner. I’ll check with Kimball for when I’m free and get back to you. God, the next few days are going to be some kind of ride.”

But there was no malice in his voice, not for anything. Just fondness. The same fondness Locus had for that beautiful smile and the soft look in Felix’s eyes. So he pushed back to his feet, suddenly re-energized, and he moved to Felix, catching the other man in his arms again.

“Do you have any idea how much I want to kiss you?” Locus chuckled as he held Felix in his arms. “Kiss you and touch you and give you a better night than I’ve ever offered before? There’s no more running away from this Felix. Not unless you want it to stop and stop forever. Because I can’t see you again if it’s not like this.”

That made Felix laugh, and Locus wasn’t sure why, but he smiled anyway at the sound.

* * * * * *

It was pure, dizzying joy that brought the laugh from Felix, but he’d never admit to that. Instead he just wrapped his arms around Locus’s shoulders as he got used to the lovely weight of Locus’s arms around his waist.

“You make it sound like you’d spoil me. Don’t do that. I can take care of myself. But yeah, I want that from you, all the stupid romantic and loving stuff. A real chance. So… We’re agreed then? We don’t hook up but actually go through all the emotions and courting and shit?”

The very thought of being actively pursued by a man like Locus, claimed by him and courted in all the high society ways their stories had always alluded to was exciting. More than anything he wanted the chance to rub it in everyone’s face. Especially Lily’s. He’d won. Maybe. For now.

“Think I should send Lily a gift basket?” he mused quietly, mostly to himself.

“A gift basket?” Locus asked quietly. But really, Felix’s attention was less on that question than on the kiss Locus left just behind his ear. That was damn nice and send a delicious shiver down his spine. “Send a card with it. Something witty. Maybe 'sorry about the ex-boyfriend’ or something. That should do nicely.”

Felix laughed to keep himself from moaning as Locus’s lips continued down his neck, each one delivered in a way that almost overlapped it with the last. It wasn’t until Locus’s lips hit that sensitive spot between neck and shoulder that Locus continued.

“I have every intention of courting you, Felix. It wouldn’t do for a man in my position, or of my background, to give you anything less than a full courtship. Of course I’d be quite happy to just celebrate our decision for now by spreading you on any and every one of the beds in this house and making you scream for me.”

This time the laughter kept Felix from begging for just that.

“That sounds enticing,” Felix agreed, trembling in Locus’s arms. “Don’t offer things you aren’t willing to follow through on.”

Everything was going to be okay, Felix realized in that moment. Sure there was still a tension between them, and still so much to talk about and solve. But in that moment Felix found himself certain that they’d manage every last detail in the proper time. The only thing he was concerned about in this moment was one question.

“What do we do now?”

“You start helping me with follow through,” Locus provided immediately. “There is no shortage of beds in this place. We used to maintain a number of live in staff in addition to the family. What I’m proposing could take us a good while, Felix. Choose a room every night we’re together here and we’ll tackle our goal one at a time. Give ourselves weeks of elicit meetings and pleasure. For the first time in a long time this place can feel used. Feel alive. Think you could help me with that?”

Felix closed his eyes and smiled, trying to imagine that. “You know what, Locus? You’re talking my style,” he answered, hugging the other man to him. He had never really hugged Felix before this and it was just nice to feel the strength of that body against him. 'Wanna get started now? We can start in the master bedroom.”

“Right now,” Locus whispered in his ear, “I want to start this with you giving me a promise.”

Felix looked up at his (friend, boyfriend, lover?) and waited for the request. What he got was Locus’s hand pressed over his ring, pressing it into his chest.

“Keep this until I can offer it to you properly. Everything between then and now is for you.”

For a moment all Felix could do was smile. At last he nodded. That was a promise he could keep.

Then they’re kissing again, hard and desperately hungry all over again, and for Felix it’s the most perfect moment ever.